In the news...
Not many people know this, but April Fools Day was actually created for, and by, one man. Surprisingly, this man observes April Fools as a day of rest and contemplation. It’s his day to take a break from the hectic pace of pity-dispensing.
I’m speaking, of course, of Mr. T.
You see, April Fools is the one day that T takes off each year. Why do you think that there are so many fools running around acting foolish today? Because nobody is around to pity them -- that’s why.
That being said, we all need Mr. T to hurry back from his hiatus, because there are plenty of fools in the sports world that require a good old-fashioned dose of Mister’s pity.
The following fools will be at the top of the list.
1. Mark Buehrle. The White Sox hurler is in need of a serious pitying after lasting just 1 2/3 innings on Opening Day. Buerhle gave up 7 earned runs in his short outing, leaving him with a very pitiful 37.80 ERA.
2. Colt Brennan. This fool’s stock has been in a downward spiral since Hawaii was demolished by Georgia in the 2008 Sugar Bowl. If that wasn’t enough, it was announced today that Brennan would undergo hip surgery next week to repair a torn labral. At this point, Colt will be lucky if he gets picked in the sixth round, a place usually reserved for pitiless quarterbacks like Tom Brady.
3. Cubs Fans. If anyone deserves a little bite of Mr. T’s pity sandwich, it is the North Siders. Not only have they not won a World Series in 100 years, now ownership wants to sell the naming rights to Wrigley Field. Additionally, management is, once again, fighting with fans that get a free view from the adjacent rooftops. Ease up, Chicago. Mr. T can only spend so much time in one place.
4. The Sutton family. Eddie needs pity for his obvious foolishness and tomfoolery. Sean, on the other hand, only made Mr. T’s list after being fired today by Oklahoma State. Sean Sutton's two-year tenure ended following a dismal 17-16 season that concluded with an NIT loss to Southern Illinois.
5. Stephen Ross. This foolhardy New York real estate mogul is spending $550 million to buy 50 percent of the Miami Dolphins. Now that deserves some pity. The Dolphins may be the worst team in the NFL again this year, and only a best-case scenario would have them as a playoff team in the next three seasons. Do you know how many gold chains Mr. T could have bought with that kind of loot?! Neither does Mr. T, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that the pity train is on it’s way, Mr. Ross, because everyone knows that T ain't getting on no plane!
From the blogosphere...
Even though the UCLA Bruins are still in the midst of an NCAA Championship hunt, Arizona fan naterb is already looking towards the Pac-10 offseason. Check out his blog to see what changes he expects.
DetBlueDemon delves into the cursed history of the above mentioned Chicago Cubs. This optimistic fan thinks that his boys are about to write the storybook ending that is long overdue.
While most baseball fans are content to follow the first week of MLB, nynasty is getting amped up for AAA Opening Day. Ladies and gentleman, your 2008 Scranton Yankees.
Duke fan tummydoc2000 gives the Community his thoughts on the transfer of sometimes-spectacular freshman Taylor King.
If you're going out to a game any time soon, make sure to check out this recipe for grilled pizza, posted by Morpheus^SFH^E*.