Posted on: May 28, 2008 7:19 pm

Blog Cabin: Michael Jackson and the fecal fiasco

In the news...

What the heck is going on in the world of mixed martial arts?

Over the last few days, this sport has endured two events that have left me utterly perplexed.

Story 1: Michael Jackson attends UFC 84
Baseball has Billy Crystal and Bill Murray. Jessica Simpson and Matt Damon have been seen in the stands for NFL contests. Basketball keeps us entertained with Eva Longoria and Jack Nicholson. Even hockey can pull the likes of Kid Rock.

Now, MMA has Wacko Jacko.

True to form, the Skeletor-looking pop star showed up in a wheelchair and a burka-like ensemble that left only his eyes exposed... those, of course, he covered with a pair of super dark sunglasses.

Truly bizarre. Truly confusing. I mean, MMA of all things? Is it possible that Michael Jackson is starting to take interest in normal activities?

Maybe Jackson has been forced to start growing up since leaving the Neverland Ranch. It has been a couple years since a childish M.J. left the mansion behind, so if we play by Peter Pan rules, he might finally be reaching the maturity level of a teenager. Now, if the teenager he becomes is still a boy, it might easily become interested in the violence and showmanship that MMA provides.

Aww... Little Mikey has outgrown his pet monkey and ferris wheel. Who’s our big skull-faced man?

Story 2: MMA fighter poops his pants in the ring
Fred Mitchell literally “beat the crap” out of Corey Wethey during a small-time fight in Louisiana on Monday. According to thetowntalk.com, Mitchell struck his opponent so hard with a knee to the body that Wethey immediately lost control of his bowels.

Mitchell said that he began to smell something foul after delivering the blow, and that the smell continued to worsen as the match went on. At one point, Mitchell removed his mouth piece to alert the ring official. “He s--- himself,” Mitchell said repeatedly to the stunned referee.

You can’t write this stuff... and still, the worst is yet to come.

While Mitchell was pleading with the official, Wethey regained the advantage, and locked Mitchell's head between his thighs.
Wow. I knew these MMA guys were tough... but that seems a little extreme. How about a couple new rules? If you crap your trunks, you have to tap out. If you’re wrestling with a guy who does his business, you are allowed to run away, screaming like a little girl, and jump over the fence.

The incident required a 10-minute intermission while officials scrubbed down the ring. Mitchell went on to win the fight by Wethey's disqualification.

From the Blogosphere...

The Bong Show has set himself up as the Community's new disciplinarian and giver of knowledge. Anytime you encounter a troublesome member, just send them Bong's way. His blog is full of handy links and pictures that are sure to reform even the most hardened troll.

Has Kobe reformed his image? Jesse James says that the MVP has done a lot to help the cause this season. Read about his revelation.

Resident ranker dantheman4250 gives us his "very early" NFL power rankings. Could the Dolphins be at No. 6? No.
Posted on: March 27, 2008 6:54 pm
Edited on: March 27, 2008 10:17 pm

Blog Cabin: Kindergarten cage fighters

News on top, blogs on the bottom...

In the news...

"In the red corner, weighing in at 47 pounds and 3 ounces; "Terrible" Timmy Jones!!! And in the blue corner, weighing in at 49 pounds 2 ounces; the Super-Light, Mini-Flyweight Champion of the Wooooorld, Zack "The leg-hold maniac" Aaaaaaanderson!!!"

Don't laugh. This is a lot more likely than you think.

If you're not sure what I'm talking about, a story came out today concerning a children's mixed martial arts school in Missouri. At the school, kids as young as 6 are taught UFC-style fighting techniques. Although the parents and instructor are all saying the right things, I can't help but think that this is a horrible idea.

Now, I think that kids, especially boys, should know how to defend themselves. After all, kids do get in fights, and unless someone is seriously hurt, I think there should be no need for lawsuits or police involvement. I also believe that the government should let parents raise their children. Obviously, I would never condone beating children, but there's nothing wrong with spanking. Finally, I like to watch MMA. Until it's against the law, there's nothing wrong with two adults beating each other to a pulp for money. That's the decision they've made, and they get paid pretty well to do it.

That being said, children's cage fighting is a little ridiculous. What? Were karate lessons and wrestling not good enough? What's the purpose of teaching a child to apply the rear naked choke? Or to twist somebody's arm until it will break if they don't submit? These are children, and I promise you, some of them will not have the discipline or understanding to keep these moves in the ring... or octagon... or wherever prepubescent fighters slug it out.

No wonder there are so many laws. No wonder people get arrested for spanking their kids. It's hard to give parents the benefit of the doubt after you hear about things like this. What a group these parents must be. One guy even has his little girl in there throwing down. It's disgusting.

Doctors were, of course, alarmed by this news. Young joints are not meant for the constant tweaking, twisting and pressure that this kind of fighting demands. It reminds me of the "I-would-have-gone-pro,-but..." baseball dad. The one that teaches his kid how to throw a curve ball at age 10, and inevitably causes his kid to have arm problems by freshman year.

Fortunately, I would expect Missouri (the only state that actually allows youth fights) to outlaw this practice soon, thus protecting young people's joints and faces from the bad decisions of their idiot parents.

Wow. How does it come to this?

From the blogosphere...

If you're tired of the predictability in television and movies, Sunnysidez86 urges you to check out a show called Deathnote. The plot: A very smart kid is fed up with the world. He hates that the corrupt thrive while good and innocent people suffer. One day, he finds a mysterious notebook that allows him to, by simply writing down a name, kill anyone on the planet. The kicker - it's Japanese animation. Tough sell, Sunny.

Good_man987 brings us the Sweet 16 money lines, but also gives out some pretty interesting facts about the remaining teams. Did you know that Davidson's Stephen Curry is the only player in NCAA tournament history to score 30 points in his first three tournament games?

MiamiHuskerFan has gotta get some things off his chest. Today, those things involve underrated point guards that time forgot.

Golf is a load of crap!
Shut your yap tells golfers to shut their trap. (What's with all the rhyming?) Anyway, this member tells professional golfers to stop complaining about noise on the course. Obviously, this guy is no golfer.

Tigers fan jcnickel says that Detroit isn't going anywhere this year. OK...as soon as we find out what this guy is smoking, I want some. The Tigers are one of, if not THE best team in baseball, and besides Cleveland, they should face no opposition in the AL Central.

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or CBSSports.com