Tag:Tiger Woods
Posted on: June 25, 2008 7:27 pm
Edited on: June 25, 2008 7:28 pm

Blog Cabin: Tiger, apples and weird e-bay items

In the news...

We’re living in the Internet age; a time when all human knowledge, anything you could ever want, is just a click away. Thus, I wasn’t at all surprised when an apple core, supposedly eaten by Tiger Woods, appeared for sale on e-bay.

I guess, sometimes, one man’s trash really is another man’s treasure.

I was definitely amused, though, so I decided to check out the sale, which appears to have been taken down. The ad did say that the core was “scooped up in a beer cup to avoid disturbing the DNA”, and also that all proceeds would go toward a college fund for the seller’s daughter.

Better hope she gets a scholarship, because at my last check the price for the core had only reached $100.

Apparently, the e-bay community also thought the sale was pretty funny. Today, there’s someone selling another “official” Tiger Woods apple (Item 160253893882), two people selling apple cores that they ate while watching Tiger Woods (180257937309 and 140244298257), and one person selling the core of an apple he found near the woods in Tiger, Georgia (160254815134).

While I was there, I decided to see what other weird commodities could be found in the worlds largest garage sale.

Without further ado... Here are then 10 strangest things I found on e-bay.

10. Antique snake bite repair kit (6249881565)
– There’s no date, but apparently, before modern medicine, a snake bite kit consisted of a razor blade and a small vial of antiseptic. Wow, why not just make it a gun and one bullet.

9. Cerebral Stimulator (150262457871) - While the snake bight kit may have been bad medicine, this thing is just plain stupid. Basically, it’s just a copper pipe with 10 thick copper wires coming off of it. The pipe part is placed above the head with the wires touching all around the skull. Sounds kind of like a human-lightning-rod kit, if you ask me.

8. Invisible soccer ball (150262919043) – I’ve never heard of one either, and I’ve definitely never seen one... which, I guess, is the point. Still, you can tell it’s the real deal because the box looks completely empty. Now, if they could only make invisible soccer players... That would be way more entertaining then normal soccer.

7. Decorated penis gourd (110263942947) .At first, I thought the word should be “guard”, but it turns out this traditional tube-shaped, tiger-striped junk-cover really is made out of a gourd. The ad calls the piece “traditional” and says that it was made and decorated by the Kamanibit people, who live in the Sepik area of Papua New Guinea. I really don’t know anything about the Kamanbit, except that they’re definitely not a small people. This gourd is over 10 inches long.

6. Coprolite (370062026706)
Who says you can’t polish a turd? It would appear that polished dinosaur poop sells quite well on e-bay. There are many auctions going, for many different kinds of fossilized dung. Most say things like “great specimen” or “unique gift”. Personally, I would say that if you’re hanging out with people who would accept poo as a gift, you should probably get new friends.

5. Human soul (300236720783)
It’s not the first soul sold on e-bay, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. Reportedly, one sold for around $400 not too long ago. Anyway, the person selling this one says he needs the money, and that the winner will receive a certificate of authenticity for the soul. He has also limited the sale to fellow humans. “No Satanists, occults, pixies, warlords, elf’s or even Satan himself may bid.”

4. Invisibility (130232659564) – “
This is not a toy or a magic trick. This is not an illusion or a ninja technique.” What it is, apparently, is the secret to becoming invisible. The ad further promises that “You will not have a shadow,” and that the method “will work even when you’re completely surrounded by cameras and people.” This one is hilarious. Half way down the page, there’s a drawing of an invisible guy lifting up a woman’s skirt. Above the picture, it warns that these powers should be used for “moral” purposes only. The best part, though, is that the invisible guy is wearing a red hat and sunglasses, which are clearly visible. Why would someone who’s invisible do that? And, do you have to be naked to be invisible? Also, buyers will get a bonus “Wizard’s Book”. This extra book teaches readers many useful things, like how to command bugs, how to teach your pets to dance on stilts, and even how to bring dead creatures back to life!

3. Plans for a sonic nausea device (320200017420)
You’ll know you have the right auction when you see the picture of the guy vomiting. With only basic soldering and electronics skills, the purchaser of these plans will, I’m guessing, be able to create some kind of sound device capable of making everyone in the vicinity lose their lunch. Useful. This seller is also hawking plans for an atom smasher. I bet this one comes with a free visit from the FBI!

2. Possibly haunted, big-breasted tomato (320266504133) –
Yep, that’s right... It’s a tomato that’s shaped like a pair of woman’s breasts, and if it was to scale, I would guess we would be talking about at least D-cups. If that wasn’t strange enough, the seller believes the fruit, which came from her garden, may be haunted by the spirit of her sister Jenny, who died of breast cancer. But here’s the twist, you can’t bid on the tomato... because e-bay doesn’t allow the sale of food. So instead, the seller wants you to buy a porcelain doll left to her by the dead sister... because that’s what the tomato is telling her to do. Got all that?

1. The “Brief Safe” (320168468249)
When you’re just too crazy to buy a regular safe, the brief safe will keep your money secure at all costs (even your dignity). Basically, it’s a pair of white men’s underwear, rigged with a special pouch to hold valuables. You simply stow your possessions in the safe’s pouch and throw it on the floor. What thief will look in your dirty undies, right? But... How will a thief know they’re dirty, you ask? Simple! The brief safe comes with “special markings”... Yeah, that’s right. They come with skidmarks. As the ad puts it: “Even the most hardened burglar or most curious snoop will ‘skid’ to a screeching halt as soon as they see them.” The ad also suggests that you use “doo drops” (another of the seller's products) for a realistic smell. You guessed it... “Doo drops look and smell like real diarrhea!”

Posted on: April 7, 2008 7:12 pm
Edited on: April 7, 2008 7:13 pm

Blog Cabin: Why watch the Masters?

A cut above...

Real golf fans can get hooked on almost any tournament. The casual fan, meanwhile, might spend a couple lazy weekends each year watching the best in the world compete in the final two rounds of the major championships. The Masters; now that brings the big crowd.

It’s a mixture of great golf and over-the-top historical pageantry. It’s a bizarre juxtaposition of soft music and soft voices laid over thunderous emotional peaks, and a palpable tension which surrounds every shot. If the storyline is right, I think that anyone can appreciate the greatest tournament in golf... and the storyline is almost always right.

No matter what happens, there will be a reason to watch. Here are a few scenarios to look for.

Tiger dominates. He’s done it before, and everyone knows that he’s always capable of doing it again. You would think that this scenario would decrease the tension, but that’s not necessarily the case. When Tiger tees off, he’s not just playing against the field, he’s playing against history. What records can he break? Just how good can he be? Love him or hate him, it’s utterly amazing to watch Tiger when he’s at his best.

Tiger wins close.
This may be the most exiting option, and maybe the most probable. Watching Eldrick do what he always does is still just as captivating as ever. One of two guys will play their way into contention, only to buckle as the No. 1 player in the world hits clutch shot after clutch shot down the stretch. Galleries will explode after every shot. There will be fist pumps. Players will grip and rip, trying to cut the corners, trying to reach that par 5 in two shots.

A second-tier player wins. Next to Woods, every other great player should be considered second-tier. If Mickelson, Vijay, Furyk or DiMarco were to earn a green jacket, it would be a great day for all the Woods-haters. The people who like to tell themselves that Tiger is beatable love the rare occasions when the great one struggles... and by struggles, I mean he finishes third. This option is a little anticlimactic, but makes for a long day of interesting golf.

The “Tin Cup” scenario. It’s really not something you'll have to consider until the second half of the third round. I know that the "no-name winner" is a lot more prevalent at the open championships, but there’s always a chance for one of these little-known guys to have a great weekend at the Masters. (Just ask last year’s winner, Zach Johnson.) If one of these underdogs is near the top on day three, you can feel the buzz through your television set. Announcers are trying to figure out exactly who the leader is, eventually calling his mom for all kinds of obscure info. “When he was young, he used to bring a sand wedge to the beach to practice his bunker shots. One day, he chipped in to a dolphin's blow hole, and was arrested. The dolphin survived, though, and he was released from jail.”

From the blogosphere...

Tummydoc2000 tells us why he hates the NBA. Basically, it's because there's no defense (see the Denver Nuggets).

Taking a page out of Shuless Joe's book, The Big B has decided to create his own "Member Mayhem" essay contest. This one is for the NBA playoffs. Check out Mind of The Big B to enter.

BigpapiandManny comes in with his MLB Power Rankings. The Red Sox still hold the top spot, but the Blue Jays have jumped up nine places to the No. 2 position.

Not able to watch the NCAA Championship game? Don't worry, dantheman4250 has already started his game blog.

With tennis action complete in Miami, BlueCollarIT gives us his player grades for the tournament.
The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or CBSSports.com